#10

I say it often but our family really was made to live in Alaska. Hopefully I will have time to dive into this all a little more but this state was meant for us to call home for a time, maybe eventually forever. Anxiety has been a little high lately- as any military spouse can tell you about PCS season ( that time we move . Sometimes across the continent and stuff ) but the idea of leaving feels as necessary and right as it does overwhelming. We love Alaska and leaving is going to be tough.  In two months our household goods will be packed up and sent to hopefully arrive in Texas by August , you really never know though .

The 5 of us will begin living in our camper trailer for about two months including most of a month traveling around this great state then onto our new home together. Camper life sounds SUPER fun, I know I know, it's all over the Internet today as such a dream and I KNOW it really is! Getting to see so many place right out our " front door" on wheels will be the adventure of a lifetime. What keeps playing in my brain is how anyone is going to sleep  - the toddler sure won't be under the actual midnight sun and the nonexistence of her normal afternoon naps. 

We also don't currently have a home to be going to which is another fear which will come together as it always does. Our middle son's Asthma is currently under control but it has also been winter for a little bit. We have spent time on the summer road admitted to the hospital for days 14 hours from home because of his breathing. Were we in a 1985 fully carpeted motorhome? YES. Was that probably the cause? of course. But the fear will forever be there in my anxious brain. 

Yesterday in prayer I gave this season over the Lord finally. I declared this all out of my hands and that I believe that what ever is to come is for good, as His word says. Immediately that afternoon the idea of my 2019 Marathon goals came to mind. The fall is not an option as I will be solo parenting again .. ya for real.. and the El Paso Marathon in February feels much too far! The seed was planted that maybe just MAYBE I could swing 16 weeks training starting now to tackle the only 26.2 miles I haven't experienced yet in this state the Mayor's Marathon in June. After some sitting down and mapping out our camper travels we landed in the right place at the right time - ANCHORAGE ! With the campsite there just a mile away from the starting line you guys, at the high school my Mom graduated from none-the-less. 

The ONLY logical thing to do smack dab in the middle of a summer PCS from Alaska to Texas while living in a camper with your family of 5 is of course run a marathon right? YEEESSSS! Marathon training has become my state of normalcy and peace in so many ways through motherhood that this has fully grounded everything for this seemingly chaotic time ahead. My legs will be so sore NOTHING ELSE WILL MATTER ! 

Today the Lord has given me total rest over all of this. The details I'd been anxious over are already falling into place and the ones that aren't - guess what? They sure will in their time. Training started today and a new smarter method I am trying out already feels fresh and renewing for the body as well as mind. So here is to a glorious Marathon #10 ! The final Alaska race and all of the stories this coming season will have to tell along with it.

xoxo

B 

Podcast faves

I never said the post-everyday thing was going to have a theme alright? Just like my life it's about to get all over the place...

People often ask me what I listen to on long runs ( by people I mean 2 friends messaged me on instagram.. basically ALL my biggest fans you guys ) but it is no secret I am a huge podcast junkie. Now true crime is definitely a favorite genre normally however for long runs my heart just can't handle it all. My preference is probably more snooze worthy but I normally stick to a couple topics that feel like I am on a run chatting with a friend. Most fall under the categories running-motherhood-faith-military life. Also as most friends know, I do not actually run with friends often partly because of the sporadic timing of daily runs and also because I run to get away from all the people. Sorry. I still love you all just only a few enough to spend hours running with. In my early parenting years when cable was a still a think ( think mail in DVD netflix era ) Regis and Kelly was my jam. I am a huge sucker for the brainless interviews between friends and not-so secretly always dreamed of being Kelly Ripa only partially for her arms. This is where I am coming from friends on my top podcast faves for the long run-


10. OOPPRRAHHHHH
Alright, can't stop won't stop here. Just like her show we all raced home for at 4pm in the 90s to watch ( just me ? ) but better. More modern. I love her openness toward all humans and way to really dig deep into souls of others in her aptly named " Super Soul Conversations."

9. Life-giver Podcast
Lots of great interviews here with military and first responder families. A couple solid interviews that stick with me are the one with Taya Kyle , who always inspires me, and one series with some chaplains spouses.

8. For the Love : Jen Hatmaker
If you know and Love Jen's books and online presence, you won't be disappointed. If you don't love her or agree with her- then you will. I personally adore her and listen to mostly every episode!

7. Relevant Podcast
There are so many episodes here that if I ever just want a good laugh and conversation they don't let me down. Relevant magazine , if you've never heard of it, is known for connecting current world news and Christian culture. I love their humor . Anyone that can perfectly make fun of themselves is the best and this group does it SO well.

6. C. Tolle Run
Former Olympic runner as well as a huge voice in the running world interviewing other runners. Enough said. She's a midwesterner and it shows in her humility for sure!

5. Lindsey Hein- I'll have another
Her lineup is always solid. After big races she always has great interviews . I do not love her interviewing style as it always seems a little too perfectionist, but as a Mom of 4 littles  I am sure that every episode takes a LOT to nail perfectly which she does.

4. Happy Hour with Jamie Ivey-
Another Christian Women's podcast but with a very real and honest voice. Her vulnerability speaks to me and I really feel like we are hanging out on a run listening to her interviews.

3. Another Mother Runner-
I have followed these women for nearly a decade after reading their book as a new Mama. They were the first blog I ever read and naturally listen to all of their interviews . BONUS that one of my favorite Mamas was recently interviewed BY THEM on the podcast after we met them together over the summer. Listen to the episode with stroller strong moms if you do nothing else!

2. Ali on the Run-
 FAVORITE running podcast. Why ? She feels like a friend. She is not at athlete. She is a new Mom and has been very honest about how HARD IT IS! She's your everyday middle of the pac runner living in New York who loves her husband puppy and new baby. I love hearing her interview such big name runners in a down to earth format!

1. Annie F Downs- That sounds fun
Annie is just my girl. My people know this. I love her style in every way. We both love the enneagram personality stuff and are both 7s! All the glitter + fun with none of the hard stuff ( we wish) But her books are so honest and her voice is just one to listen to. She is a believer but she doesn't focus on being a Christian podcast- she interviews all of her friends from different walks of life. She is the real deal though and I just want to be her friend , I mean we are but she doesn't know it yet.

Honorable mentions: Journeywomen,  Let's get Unraveled, The runners world show, Next Gen Mil Spouse, Casas ( my old Church in Tucson... the sermons are always solid an inspiring as well as biblically sound  ) Run to the top, Dear Daughters, Business with purpose, Beyond the Secret with Ace Fanning* Not for the faint or sensitive ears for language and explicit topics , Go + Tell gals, Read Aloud-revival, Arm chair expert.... I COULD GO ON FOR DAYS!

Enjoy!
B

Love of our Father

It could be the return of my kiddos' Father or the overwhelming feeling of hope that comes with the returning of light and warmth in Fairbanks... but this theme won't shake me. Let's chat about it . 

Over 18 million children in our country are growing up in homes with only a Mother ( YES I googled it.) Those Mamas are killing it. Sure there are single Dad households too , in fact the handful of adults I know that were raised only by Dads are some of the most incredible people. That is not what we are talking about but it can't go unmentioned. But with so many children being raised Fatherless, be it physically or emotionally, the connection to current hurt of this country is very much connected. When I look at the adults in my life that are loving and kind and servant hearted people- the continuous Father figure in their lives is very evident. 

I am grateful every day that after 10 years of Marriage and almost 9 years as a Mother that battle of single parenthood is not one that our family has faced. My husband may be away often for his career serving this great country but he talks to his babies every chance he has. He is an important part of their lives.  These kids have a Father that knows and loves them with every fiber of his being. Are we perfect ? Absolutely not. We see the world very differently from one another and often joke we have just about nothing in common- but we do Love each other and these little humans we are raising. 

After 9 months without their Father physically present, the emotional scars become  fairly obvious. The restlessness nights normally hit around halfway through, maybe later if we are lucky . Anxiety over little things comes over the oldest. A constant state of weariness lies underneath even the most joyful and fun filled days we experience just the four of us. We are broken and lost even when we want to declare our strength and independence with the " WE CAN DO THIS " attitude. The truth is that we can't. Our family anchor is missing and without it we're just floating in a wavy sea  .

The other night we were in a hotel while traveling and the toddler woke up screaming like someone was ripping her appendages off , as they do, and nothing would calm her down. Our kids are not ones to love bed sharing or snuggling to sleep so nights on the road are tough ( read: exhausting ) But as she woke up a screaming an irrational mess at 2 am, her Father picked her up , held tight, and laid down to sleep with her wrapped around his neck . Immediately her emotions settled and she fell fast asleep in total peace- for the rest of the night! 

I literally laid there watching the two of them sleep just in awe ( and not just because she was finally quiet PRAISE YOU LORD ) . But isn't that the perfect picture of our Heavenly father though?  It is the gospel right in the middle of the night in a foreign place with an irrational toddler.

As humans and sinners we tend to often become irrational. Whether we've known the Lord our whole lives, are new believers, or are just curious about what a life with Christ even looks like... we can easily let emotions and irrational feelings take over. It's kind of part of this whole living as humans on earth thing. Feelings that are not grounded in truth but in the lies the world feeds to us. Feelings like 

" You aren't good enough " 

"They have it easier than we do! " 

" I may never sleep a full night again! " 

" If only I made as much money as they did ."

" You will always be the Mom who yells. " 

" I'm too out of shape to belong at the gym " 

" School is just too hard for me " 

" If only I had a boyfriend/husband/girlfriend/wife . No one will ever Love me "

" Must be nice to have no kids and the freedom to ____ "

This list could actually go on for eternity. But it's all lies. The good news? Whether we have accepted him as Holy or not, we all have a Heavenly Father that sees us and knows us and LOVES US more than any lie the world ( or let me apologize for the Christian-ese but - the enemy )wants us to believe.  Our heavenly Father is that warm cozy hug in the middle of a completely irrational midnight panic attack that is there to remind us everything is going to be alright- because HE is in control of our mess. He gives us peace and stillness so that we can finally rest once we lay it all down. 

For those 18 million children living without a Father or the countless millions without Father's that lead well, there really is hope. Even for those WITH wonderful Dad's... our creator is somehow even more. There is hope for all of us and the only requirement for that peace and comfort of the perfect Father is found when we just simply give our lives to him. When we accept the fact that he sent his only son to earth, to live a perfect life, so that we do not have to. His perfect son then died on a wooden cross after the most horrific abuse where he then rose to heaven and is seated next to his Father, our Father. All of this was done just so that our sins can be forgiven. This my friends is literally the hope of the world. It is what the season of Lent is all about. We are remembering the sacrifice taken for all of us. Remembering that there is hope of that warm hug of peace that can finally bring us rest,  especially in a life that may feel like emotional chaos at 2 am. 

How do we seek him? In HIS word - the bible . In HIS people. In HIS bride- the local church. In prayer.  

If you are struggling right now in an emotional temper tantrum at 2 am ...I mean not actually but if you ACTUALLY are that's cool too.. seek him . Whether you know the Lord well or not all , seek him. The eternal love of our Father is unrelenting and never failing and is truly all that WILL bring us peace. 

Ok that is all I have. 

XOXO 

B

PS. I missed three days of writing and plan to catch up somehow ;)  SO many thoughts and thankfully SO much time. 

Pray without ceasing

The word ‘prayer’ is written 132 times in the Bible . Something there says it’s just a smidge important right ? 

Recently I heard about a revival project in Nashville where 400 churches came together to pray for their city . It was tireless work for these pastors but oh how it paid off ! They actually went to the phone book and got names and address of the entire city . The list was divided into groups of 15 and these pastors gave each member of their church 15 names . Each Church member was then asked to pray for these 15 strangers over the course of one month . They could send these strangers anonymous letters of encouragement , prayers , or just do so in the quiet of their own home . Can you imagine the power in a city that comes from this? As one of the main pastors there mentioned in a podcast I listened to last week , 80% of their city had probably never been prayed for by name before this .

This is a task that I know I personally couldn’t wrap my head around but the idea has stuck with me daily since hearing about this . As a child I grew up thinking prayer only happened while kneeling in a pew on Sunday or the really big prayers happened when you paid a dollar to light a candle to pray extra  . It was life changing as an adult and new believer when I discovered that Christ was in fact with us and we are able to pray daily , hour by hour minute by minute . To many life-long Christians that may sound silly but it really changed my life ! I am not one that takes “ I will pray for you” lightly because of this and thankfully many women the Lord has placed around me feel the same. 

Prayer can be so simple that we often skip over it’s importantance , unless of course a tragedy hits . If it’s mentioned 132 times in the Bible It is probably something we should always be working on and working on improving personally right ? I know I want to! This story just totally inspired me and I wanted to share it with you friends .

How can we pray for our city ? We often have a list of those closest to us from immediate family , to extended , and close friends . Maybe we have a random stranger or two on our note for prayers but how much further do we go than that ? How can we pray for those personally that aren’t connected to us or the big C Church or our lives in any way? How can lives and cities be transformed by the power of prayer ? Maybe we start small. Take 5 Facebook friends you never interact with and pray for them for a month? Invest in their name and their life even if you don’t know anything about it ( besides the vaguebooking we see now and then ) I haven’t completed this idea but I know that my people are good at this . Send me your ideas ! Comment on here . How can we begin to pray for our own brothers and sisters who were created in the exact same image as ourselves ( YES that means every human on earth .) 

I’m super inspired by Nashville and the revival they have begun simply by directing their prayers intentionally . Let’s pray without ceasing ... Be anxious for nothing but in everything through prayer and petition ... rejoice always and PRAY continuously . 

xoxo

B

Alaska drives

Alaska drives . There is just something magical about this state and , contrary to popular opinions , residing in the interior . If you only ever called the “ big city “ home than this winding road from a winter fairytale wouldn’t be carved with the memories we all get to carry in our pockets . 

( the next days of photos will all be edited from iPhone apps) 

As we lay in a hotel with sleeping kiddos amongst the loud fans but the city lights outside the window , I can’t help but be thankful for all of it. Thankful we have spent 2 years and 11 months so far in the far north. Thankful that our kids get these unreal experiences . Thankful that I forged ahead last summer and made this 6-7 hour one way trip alone as much as possible because these memories are worth it. But today I’m thankful for this . The ease of having two parents just as it’s supposed to be . The simplicity of having 4 arms helping check into the hotel and carry backage , another person to laugh with and dance to the trolls soundtrack with when the road gets too long. Thankful that after 9 long months apart a little drive to the coast and 4 nights in a no-frills yet perfect hotel is really all that we need because together is absolutely everything . As hard as times had been it’s all distant memories because this covers all of it .

This state has stolen our heart without question and as we drive through sunshine then snow then mountains and purple sunsets over the icy creeks ... I am reminded that we will be back . Early summer travels still await across the last frontier but every moment spent now will be another memory for the bank to hold us over until . we. are . back.

Alaska is one big and wild love story that we’re just blessed to be experiencing.

Book Review- Running is my Therapy

Over the course of these 40 days of writing there will definitely be a myriad of topics, it's a tiny and slightly frightening view into the many tabs always open in this brain of mine.

I really hate to give a book review of a book I haven't finished but currently I'm in the middle of skimming through this running book and wanted to recommend it already. If you are a runner you fully understand the idea of a runner's high or running every day just to feel good. If you are NOT a runner, well you should really try it out sometime. Ya ya ya, I can feel your eye rolls through the screen my friend but REALLY . If you start around your block and just hate it , go a little further. I don't like running at all the first 2.5 miles either I promise. Just try it ! Ok back to the book. 

As a person that uses the pavement pounding almost entirely for mental health and time for prayer/ meditation , I found this to be extremely informative filled with countless aha moments so far. The pages are filled with science based research on what a regular running routine actually does for our brain and the effect on the seemingly epidemic of anxiety and depression that is becoming more the norm than ever before. Reading about what is really happening to our brain not just after a run but continuously when we develop a regular running routine, it's pretty amazing. I see physical health, spiritual health,  and mental health on the same playing field and necessary to take care of every single day. To me it doesn't matter if it is through therapy sessions, medications, or exercise but whatever meets each persons needs is EXACTLY the right choice for them. Period. But running helps and this book explains all of that . 

My one disclaimer is that this is not a faith based book as most books on my favorite sport are not- and that is fine . It isn't supposed to be. I do personally believe that being in God's word and spending time in prayer and fellowship with other believers is the missing puzzle piece here to total wellness BUT it's ok that not everyone does. 

Go pick this up though if you are a runner or just someone that is really curious about how incorporating the most simple form of exercise can change not only your body but more importantly the mind. 

Tomorrow we are road tripping for the first time since October ! Also the first time I'm not alone with the kiddos on a road trip in far too long. Expect some pretty photos of snowy mountains and deep theological ideas from the adventure. Or maybe just a picture of pizza. Mooses tooth. Probably that. 

xoxo

B 

40 days

Hello helllllo! Here we are again my friends.

This is tough but here we are . Let me tell you that as I type tonight I am slightly kicking and screaming about it.  For over two years now I have been extremely disobedient. Regardless of what you believe or who you call king of your life- we all know that feeling of " trusting your gut"... for me I call it listening to the Holy Spirit. For two years the Lord has been quietly whispering, turned to regularly chatting, to honestly yelling, back to silence toward me on something in my life that I have very blatantly turned my cheek on. Holy Spirit telling me that it's time to start writing more for far too long. He has shown me repetitively  that we can make a difference with the words we use and sharing that encouragement with others here is something I am being called to do.

Part of me wants to ramble on about this and how we have got to this point but guess what? We will have plenty of time here to do just that. WHY? Because after much prayer and contemplation and pleading with the Lord- I am committing to writing here publicly for all of Lent. < insert all my eye rolls > Part of it may be my Catholic upbringing or sensitive spirit but Lent is always a really important time me.  As a kid I took giving up things very seriously- like that time I gave up chex mix in high school and thought I may not live to make it through Easter ( the dramatics haven't changed much in 18 years I guess ) But as I dove headfirst into a relationship with Christ as an adult it became a very sacred time in both my heart and my relationship with God's word . I switched from giving up to transforming a space in life. Last year I started social media fasting on Sundays and am happy to report that this stuck and has been life giving.

Bottom line... today  I have nothing to say. Some days I probably won't share posts anywhere but I will write them and hit publish no matter what. Every day but Sunday from now until Easter all the tiny bits of my heart will be poured out here hopefully to bring encouragement, ideas, and probably some humor to whoever may need to hear just that.

Here is a random picture of a mountain in Denali National Park shot through a window to say HAPPY LENT which is kind of a weird thing to say I GET IT  but this season really is a joyous one. This picture makes me feel like the season ahead- partially dark, gloomy , cold , but also filled with beauty and grace because we know what is to come under all that snow.

( Also for anyone new- I do not edit or use proper grammar or any of the things. Leave now if you have time to care about silliness such as this . Thanks.)

-B