Georgia > Boston

Last week the Boston Marathon released the emails confirming entrance into the 2017 race. The standards are steep requiring runners to obviously meet a competitive time but then even if you qualify there isn't a guarantee on acceptance. For the past few years runners that were on THE LIST were about 1-2 minutes under qualifying time... considering I finished two and half minutes under my time I was confident and P U M P E D to receive that acceptance email after this long journey reaching this ultimate goal as a runner.

Wednesday morning I was really  practicing patience anxiously enjoying my time with my dear friends at PWOC { women's bible study on Army bases } Something pulled me outside just to check real quick, how fun would it be to celebrate with a few of my friends that have stood and ran beside me along the way? Then the subject line said it all...

" Letter of NON-acceptance"

This year , because of so many applicants and only 23,000 spots for qualified runners, the cut off time was extravagant. Any other year I would have been in but for 2018 runners must have run 3 minutes and 32 seconds FASTER than the required qualifying time. I missed it by an entire minute! 5,000 qualified runners were not accepted for 2018.

I won't lie, in that moment I was devastated. Complete defeat and shock. The sacrifice of this training season was not just my sacrifice but my families and my friends. I was given standards and by the grace of God surpassed those but yet still was not enough. In that moment confusion consumed me. Here I boast about distance running being my peace with the creator, my calm , my time of ultimate quiet and prayer but let anger consume me because of selfish desires.

Throughout the past few months I have had a theme of identity ringing in my soul. I've had countless conversations with friends about exactly this. When we put labels on ourselves  - Wife, Soldier, Runner, Writer, Cook, Gardener, Musician, etc- we are forgetting how easily they can be taken away.

Even the strongest marriages can end in divorce.
A Singer could lose their voice.
A writer can lose inspiration.
A runner can have heart failure.
A War hero can be medically discharged from the military with no career path in place.

Nothing is promised in this life!

And what are we left with when our identity fails us? We are left empty . We are left feeling broken.

Thankfully there is ONE title and one identity that is unfailing -  being the son/daughter of the creator of the universe. We were all made in his perfect image and have been given life to do incredible things , things that we may not even be aware of. Maybe even things that have nothing to do with the identity we have built around ourselves!  Yes I call myself a runner and YES I was proud to add the title " Boston Marathoner" to that identity I've built but in reality it would never have defined me anyways.  I'm made for immeasurably more than the 26.2 miles from Hopkinton to Boylston street and in that I find peace.

After this realization the logistics started flooding in.  This means goodbye to the stress over training for a spring Marathon in -40 degree Fairbanks temperatures ! The Army has my husband in the spring which meant struggling to get a Grandparent to come stay here for several days with the kiddos for me to travel alone to Boston ... again NOT easy.  Beyond all of that I would be traveling from Alaska and have no loved ones to share this once in a lifetime day with.  The hidden blessings in this NON acceptance started slowly pouring in with complete understanding.

Then Friday everything changed.

In 2012 I ran my first marathon. The year prior I had finished the Soldier half marathon in Columbus Georgia which immediately became a favorite because of it's beautiful weather, quick course, military appreciation, and mostly because you run for fallen heroes. At the time I didn't know any soldiers that lost their lives at war so I put a name on my bib belonging to a neighbors' friend . It really meant something to run that day for someone that no longer could .  ( Yes I was 24 weeks pregnant incase you're thinking WOW you sure ate a lot of cupcakes back then... well that's true too )

 2011

 Can we also take a moment to acknowledge my photo editing. I hope that it's come a long way from this. Also the days of ALL the instagram filters!

In June of the following year a friend lost her husband in the first helicopter crash after our husbands' graduated from flight school in Alabama.  Our community was and continues to be broken over it along with several tragic crashes shortly after . Mat Fazzari left behind a beautiful wife, two boys, and a solid foundation of family members in Washington. In moments like that there are no words or actions that are ever enough but to me the only thing I could do was return to the race and run for him, run for all of them.  That year a half marathon wasn't enough it had to be the full even if it meant training during my husbands's deployment . As many of his friends and family that could make it came out to Georgia and ran that day as well including his wife, kids, parents, and former military leaders . There are exactly zero words to describe the emotions and heart poured out by all that day but it is one that will live in my heart forever.

( Top right picture with Kristen... how cool is it that she now lives right here in Fairbanks with us?!  ) 

It became my mission to run every single year after that, even if I never ran another marathon I would  always run soldiers. A couple years it took a plane trip from Arizona, some years a short drive from our home in Alabama, and once a forced Virtual race day when I just couldn't swing childcare to go. The starting line has been shared with military spouse sisters, some of my best friends, my husband, my kids, and even one of my now dearest running friends 3 years before we even met all the way in Alaska !  Shortly after meeting and talking race stories I looked up the results and realized we finished in 2013 just seconds apart. In the photo below Katie was probably crossing the finish line !

2013

2014

2015 (Virtual race ) 

Last Friday they announced this would be the final year of the Soldier Marathon. Again my heart shattered. I understood from behind the scenes why it couldn't continue as a volunteer run event but still.. NO ! Within an hour , without question, my husband had booked our tickets to Atlanta . Traveling from Alaska is no easy trip but for us it's worth it. My Mom is so awesomely able to fly up to spend the weekend with her Grandkids and we are heading to GEORGIA together! Flights books- race registered-on our way November 16. As a military couple we don't ever get even a night away so the fact that every detail about this weekend fell into place is nothing but a Godsend . Can I just say that it takes a VERY AMAZING husband to understand the importance of this and joyfully experience this with me, I mean we could probably fly to Hawaii easier but we're going to Columbus Georgia on our weekend getaway so I can run a marathon ;) He loves me as much as I do him.

Had Boston worked out like I planned none of this would be possible. We couldn't afford plane tickets if I was flying to Boston in the spring, my Mom couldn't come this fall if she was possibly going to help us out in the spring. I wouldn't even be able to leave my sweet kiddos to be honest if I knew I was leaving them again in a few months! Thanks to that qualifier in August and the Equinox marathon last month  I am just going to hop back into a couple weeks of re-training and be good to go.  Every single step of this training season was planned in a way I couldn't even see in the blinding of my own selfish plans , but alas they all turned out GOOD and better than my own.

ALSO I can't leave out that  a sweet military spouse friend of mine here in Fairbanks just happens to be the daughter of the owners of Big Dog Running Company who just HAPPENS to have sponsored and helped organize the event since day one. Our paths crossed every single year but weren't lead together until living in Alaska of all places where we get to run alongside each other- ok she flew by me in the Equinox marathon so not exactly alongside - and serve on a board of spouses together too! You can't make this good stuff up guys.

God is good friends... all the time . He is good.

-B

Cold + Strong

It has been about 4 or 5 years now since discovering the magic of cold brew coffee. I'm sure you have had it at starbucks, your favorite coffee shop, or even at the grocery store but you're totally wasting your money. Cold brew is life-giving therefore it deserves its own blog post 110%. For that many years I have been trying to explain to friends how I make my weekly batch so it just feels right to make a little ( poorly executed ) tutorial so that instead of trying to explain it over a busy toddler from my Mom brain ... I can just direct you here! Viola.

 Cold brew is exactly that. NOO it is not hot coffee put in the fridge- heavy eye roll. Cold brew is STRONG coffee, much lower acidity making it easier on weak stomachs ( HI thats me ), and best of all you can make one large batch and enjoy it all week without making anything. Take that Keurig. 

I am no food/beverage photographer and in fact the idea of taking pictures as you're making things just sounds kind of awful to me, so I do this out of pure love . Your welcome.  I love you so I give you the recipe for life. 

Ingredients:

Large container - I use this 8 cup mason jar because it's cute and can seel

shut 

2 cups ground coffee - When I started this I used to grind espresso beans but too many kids and schedules later I use cheap ground coffee and realized it tastes JUST AS GREAT. Win. 

Mesh Strainer - I either line it with a few paper towels or a cheese cloth shown here 

Bowl -it's helpful to use a bowl that is more narrow that the strainer can rest on.

Water

Directions.

Scoop out two cups of ground coffee throw it in the glass jar. Fill the rest with water. Close lid and let sit out for 24 hours- WHAT?! a whole day? YES. The longer the stronger. You can thank me later. 

After steeping forever you need to strain the coffee out. I use a mesh strainer like this one

Set the strainer over your bowl and be sure to line it to prevent any grounds from falling through. Paper towel is great or cheese cloth if your husband is a recycling crazy person and sheds tears over throwing anything away. 

 Once you've poured it all through cloth or towels ,   squeeze all that golden caffeine right on out. DO not throw coffee in the sink PLEASE. It is really bad for disposals so it's best to throw it away . Even better, I used to make coffee scrubs mixing it with sugar and essential oils... again  back when there were less kiddos and SO much more time.

 What you have now is a concentrate. If you want to get real wild you could drink that BUT it is recommended to mix it with water. The ratio is supposed to be about 1:2 or 1:3 but I tend to just fill the whole jar back up with water and call it a day.

 Cold brew is naturally sweet so I personally don't use any sugar. Dairy doesn't work well with me so my preference is almond milk creamer and lately a splash of pumpkin pie spice because leaves are yellow and that is life.  Sorry I did not clean my kitchen for you...that would just be lying.

 Yum. ENJOY. Be happy. Do all of your awesome things you do!

Fall is for FILM

Oh man you guys, I'm completely 100% hooked on stepping back to film photography right now. I mentioned in a recent post that I inherited my Papa's old cameras which were so fun to play with but I really wanted a vintage camera that I could operate more like the DSLR I'm used to. Recently my sweet professional shopper/ thrifter/ deal finder friend found a vintage Canon AE for a legit steal and she was so kind to let me buy it off of her ( she totally could have used it too, that is loving like Jesus people! ) So a few weeks ago we took it out for a trial run and what better place to go than up to the mountains with my family? It's really a toss up what I love capturing more, people or landscapes, but this roll had a balance of both.

This double exposure was un-intentional but turned out SO lovely I can't get over it. The blend of the mountains and kiddos playing under the Alaska summer sun is perfection to me.

 Alaska grown cabbages are HUGE these were in late July and still had growing to do. 

 The UAF Botanical gardens are such a dream, the colors and array of Alaskan flowers are pure inspiration . I love having images like this to look at in the depth of winter... thinking about how such  beauty can survive and regrow year after year regardless of the -50 temps and days of pure darkness. It is such a reminder to look at these in January and know that there is hope and beauty just under the surface. ALSO the colors that this camera picks up leaves me in such awe. It's so true to life in a way that would take far to long in the editing process for digital cameras, pretty FILM is where it is at.

 A little afternoon over in the white mountains has left me aching to go there every chance we get. It's only 30 minutes from the house but feels like a different world!

   Confession: these were NOT black and white film. The nice thing about digital scans is that you can still tweak them a bit digitally and these were just begging for monochrome. 

Daddy and his favorite lady 

Now these are perfect examples of differences in film and digital as far as how we treat our images. If I shot these on my digital camera with blown out highlights and such OFF skin tones... they would be deleted. But these are GOLD to me and will so be treasured. It gives us time to think about and appreciate the moment's natural tones instead of the technical perfectionism that is so common in the photography world today.

One of the last weeks that the fireweed was really in bloom.

I really wanted to test this 400 film out indoors because technically with an open aperture ( 2.8 on this baby ) and slower shutter indoor,  images should be ok with the right amount of natural light. This was one of the only indoor shots but I think it's pretty spot on and I just LOVE the moment that was captured in just one shot. 

Yet another lesson learned was to remember how many exposures your roll has. Everything else I picked up has 36 shots but this  was only 24, so the last 12 frames that were dreamy images of  sunsets and turning leaves... poof . Gone. Technically never existed. WOOPS! Just another reminder to slow down and pay attention.

I'm in a season of life right now where my physical outlets are taking priorty over the artistic ones and photography has just taken a backseat . I enjoy every single family I'm blessed to work with but the time available to learn and play has been minimal lately . Between the gift of family heirlooms and a timely helpful resource, there is something new to learn and be excited about! As for that resource  CHECK OUT JAX HARMON photography + design on Facebook. Unfortunately I never got to spend time with her locally but purchased her workshop book and swag bag over the summer before her family PCSed and she laid everything out perfectly. Jax is a wealth of knowledge and such an inspiration in the world of Film ! 

So what do you think friends? Would you be willing to step outside the fast paced box of crisp digital  images and book a session that was done entirely on a roll of film? My hope is that by next year this is something we can offer from Believe Studio as a unique session for the families in Fairbanks. 

Until then I'll keep practicing on my people and sharing little bits with you all along the way! The next roll will be all ALASKAN fall goodness and I can not wait, but I will have to, because it's film ;) 

Pretty much how I feel right now just soaking in the colors and grain of this roll... 

- B

Boston Bound

The words have been buzzing through my head for days now but typing them onto the computer is just a bit overwhelming, so forgive me in advance for emotions and/or lack of fluidity here.

Let me just start by saying that by God's grace alone I can officially say that these legs are going to be shuffling across the streets of Boston next April !

This may be the most swag I have scored from a race yet guys! 

One of the sweetest friends Alaska has blessed me with has been cheering me on this entire training journey. I have said it on repeat but she is truly one of the most Christ like humans I have met and shows deep love through actions not words. From encouraging texts to literally running along side me this could never have been done without her. For those of you that don't know Kate ( or Katie P to most of us Fairbanks ladies) she single handedly built the community of Stroller Strong Moms Fairbanks which is just the biggest light to Mamas in interior Alaska- it's is now owned by an incredible woman Tiffany I can not brag enough about . When Katie's family recently PCSed to Anchorage she started up another location there . A few of her Stroller Strong Anchorage Mamas  took on the relay and it was just so encouraging to get to see these ladies at the start and out on the course. 

Besides the awesome workout and community we have at Stroller Strong, the gear is awesome. This shirt says " I run like a Mom" and the back finishes " Try to keep up" One of my simple joys is wearing this and passing male runners, I just wish I had a mirror so I could see their faces as they are passed by Moms with strollers.  There is such a sense of pride sporting SLAMgear (Sweat Like A Mother ) not just because it's 'cute' but because we are all so proud of this empowering group of women we get to do life with. 

I'm not going to sugar coat it for you ... this race was killer. The weather kept threatening rainstorms as we kept trying to pray it away. Anchorage Alaska has that typical pacific northwest drizzle so we were hopeful that's all we would get but somehow I knew it would be more. 

Seconds before the 9am start of the marathon the raindrops started falling. By mile 6 I was just thankful for the tree cover because it was POURING! I kept looking at all the other runners feet dreading the thought of their wet socks and rain filled shoes sloshing back and forth. If I wasn't sporting my standard Vibram Five Fingers I can not imagine being able to finish that run with water logged footwear. The rolling hills were a lot more than I expected on top of the rain. Each city has it's own description of a " flat " course and YES this was low in elevation change but the rolling hills were nothing like the flat paths around Fairbanks/FT Wainwright that I am used to.

To be  honest the first 18 miles were a blur of trees, peaks of ocean views, heavy rain, and shuffling feet.  OH and GU! My sweet friends gifted me a bunch of goodies and let me just say the SALTED WATERMELON GU totally surprised me at hour 2 it was A M A Z I N G!! 

Prayer is a huge part of my long runs. It is one of my only peaceful moments of most weeks and it's truly when I feel most connected to our creator. The lord kept putting it on my heart to finish this race,  not for my selfish pride, but as an encourager. I could have easily trained and ran a race alone but including so many women and having other Moms believing in this made it a completely different experience. Accomplishing this feat wasn't about me running a race it was about MOMS doing big things in a season where we often feel drained and uninspired. It was about H O P E and faith in God's sovereignty and about community that he builds if we are willing to accept it. 

By Mile 20 I was approaching " the wall" as many runners talk about. My lungs were fine but my legs felt like they literally couldn't move up one more incline. Right at this moment I heard my people, I saw these Mamas cheering me on. We got to run a couple miles together and even though her enthusiasm was a bit nauseating at a time when I felt totally depleted, she pushed me right when I needed it. Those are by far the clearest memories of the race and the light that I will always remember. 

I wish I could say it was all " downhill  from there" but no. NOPE. Not even a little.  Yes my energy was restored and this felt accomplishable but knowing the last 1.5 miles were uphill including a steep incline at the finish my mind was failing by mile 24. My body was freezing cold, soaking wet, and these legs were shaking like crazy. Just as the final uphill push came and my pace was dangerously slow... this Mama came in. At the time, I couldn't handle the upbeat yelling and encouragement but as she forced me to keep up with her and screamed " YOU'RE the SECOND FASTEST FEMALE! " I realized that I wouldn't have finished that hill without her.

 

Just after the hill plateaued the finish line was in sight. 3:35 is the Boston Qualifying time for my age group. The goal is to get 2:30 minutes under qualifying time to actually have a comfortable spot at registration in September. 3:32:30 is just about the slowest I could finish and still make it. These feet crossed over at 3:32:18. 12 seconds to spare. 

I love this shot not just for the stats but if you look close you can see my husband taking the photo in the reflection, Katie standing next to him, and on the right is me with a warming blanket and my boys. My entire support system is right in that reflection with me.

My people !

Just after finishing my body shut down from the combination of rain / cold / lack of clothing. Thankfully everyone was taking care of me because it was all just spiriling around me, hot tea was a Godsend! We waited just long enough to get my medals and awards for finishing third female and first in my age group. What an honor. 

I love the marathon. Halfs are my favorite distance and are a blast to do with friends BUT the marathon to me is an example of pushing ourselves to our complete limits. It is such a reminder of what our bodies are capable of and the strength of mind and soul we were created with. This training season has been so much more than simply Boston qualifying , it has been a testament of community and faith in countless ways. 

In a couple weeks registration opens up for 2018 and I still can't believe I will be a part of that process . As we look toward winter there are countless challenges ahead. Training for a hot April race in the depths of Fairbanks winter is going to be tough. Throw into that a spring deployment for my husband, lack of childcare, high cost of travel, distance, etc. etc. and WOW that is a bit overwhelming ! Luckily I'm still riding that runners high and know that God will provide for all of it. What could seem like impossible is TOTALLY possible and I'm just so ready for the journey to come. 

I don't share this with you to boast in my accomplishments. Millions of people run marathons and 10,000 people a year run the Boston Marathon. 

I share this to give you hope dear reader. 

I share this for Moms thinking that they have lost themselves in this mess of Motherhood, that their accomplishments no longer matter. 

I share this for Moms that are afraid to set goals for fear of failure.

I share this for all of the women needing a reminder that we are created for  community and with community of  POSITIVE people we can really achieve anything. 

I share this to encourage you to find your people and love them hard, but if you can't find them BE that love for someone else. 

I share this as a reminder that the strength of the lord is within you, YOU too can do big things Mama. 

-B

" I will run and not grow weary" Isaiah 40:31

While I've been writing this post this song has come on twice and the lyrics are just too fitting... 

Rejoice - click here for video-