Boston Bound

The words have been buzzing through my head for days now but typing them onto the computer is just a bit overwhelming, so forgive me in advance for emotions and/or lack of fluidity here.

Let me just start by saying that by God's grace alone I can officially say that these legs are going to be shuffling across the streets of Boston next April !

This may be the most swag I have scored from a race yet guys! 

One of the sweetest friends Alaska has blessed me with has been cheering me on this entire training journey. I have said it on repeat but she is truly one of the most Christ like humans I have met and shows deep love through actions not words. From encouraging texts to literally running along side me this could never have been done without her. For those of you that don't know Kate ( or Katie P to most of us Fairbanks ladies) she single handedly built the community of Stroller Strong Moms Fairbanks which is just the biggest light to Mamas in interior Alaska- it's is now owned by an incredible woman Tiffany I can not brag enough about . When Katie's family recently PCSed to Anchorage she started up another location there . A few of her Stroller Strong Anchorage Mamas  took on the relay and it was just so encouraging to get to see these ladies at the start and out on the course. 

Besides the awesome workout and community we have at Stroller Strong, the gear is awesome. This shirt says " I run like a Mom" and the back finishes " Try to keep up" One of my simple joys is wearing this and passing male runners, I just wish I had a mirror so I could see their faces as they are passed by Moms with strollers.  There is such a sense of pride sporting SLAMgear (Sweat Like A Mother ) not just because it's 'cute' but because we are all so proud of this empowering group of women we get to do life with. 

I'm not going to sugar coat it for you ... this race was killer. The weather kept threatening rainstorms as we kept trying to pray it away. Anchorage Alaska has that typical pacific northwest drizzle so we were hopeful that's all we would get but somehow I knew it would be more. 

Seconds before the 9am start of the marathon the raindrops started falling. By mile 6 I was just thankful for the tree cover because it was POURING! I kept looking at all the other runners feet dreading the thought of their wet socks and rain filled shoes sloshing back and forth. If I wasn't sporting my standard Vibram Five Fingers I can not imagine being able to finish that run with water logged footwear. The rolling hills were a lot more than I expected on top of the rain. Each city has it's own description of a " flat " course and YES this was low in elevation change but the rolling hills were nothing like the flat paths around Fairbanks/FT Wainwright that I am used to.

To be  honest the first 18 miles were a blur of trees, peaks of ocean views, heavy rain, and shuffling feet.  OH and GU! My sweet friends gifted me a bunch of goodies and let me just say the SALTED WATERMELON GU totally surprised me at hour 2 it was A M A Z I N G!! 

Prayer is a huge part of my long runs. It is one of my only peaceful moments of most weeks and it's truly when I feel most connected to our creator. The lord kept putting it on my heart to finish this race,  not for my selfish pride, but as an encourager. I could have easily trained and ran a race alone but including so many women and having other Moms believing in this made it a completely different experience. Accomplishing this feat wasn't about me running a race it was about MOMS doing big things in a season where we often feel drained and uninspired. It was about H O P E and faith in God's sovereignty and about community that he builds if we are willing to accept it. 

By Mile 20 I was approaching " the wall" as many runners talk about. My lungs were fine but my legs felt like they literally couldn't move up one more incline. Right at this moment I heard my people, I saw these Mamas cheering me on. We got to run a couple miles together and even though her enthusiasm was a bit nauseating at a time when I felt totally depleted, she pushed me right when I needed it. Those are by far the clearest memories of the race and the light that I will always remember. 

I wish I could say it was all " downhill  from there" but no. NOPE. Not even a little.  Yes my energy was restored and this felt accomplishable but knowing the last 1.5 miles were uphill including a steep incline at the finish my mind was failing by mile 24. My body was freezing cold, soaking wet, and these legs were shaking like crazy. Just as the final uphill push came and my pace was dangerously slow... this Mama came in. At the time, I couldn't handle the upbeat yelling and encouragement but as she forced me to keep up with her and screamed " YOU'RE the SECOND FASTEST FEMALE! " I realized that I wouldn't have finished that hill without her.

 

Just after the hill plateaued the finish line was in sight. 3:35 is the Boston Qualifying time for my age group. The goal is to get 2:30 minutes under qualifying time to actually have a comfortable spot at registration in September. 3:32:30 is just about the slowest I could finish and still make it. These feet crossed over at 3:32:18. 12 seconds to spare. 

I love this shot not just for the stats but if you look close you can see my husband taking the photo in the reflection, Katie standing next to him, and on the right is me with a warming blanket and my boys. My entire support system is right in that reflection with me.

My people !

Just after finishing my body shut down from the combination of rain / cold / lack of clothing. Thankfully everyone was taking care of me because it was all just spiriling around me, hot tea was a Godsend! We waited just long enough to get my medals and awards for finishing third female and first in my age group. What an honor. 

I love the marathon. Halfs are my favorite distance and are a blast to do with friends BUT the marathon to me is an example of pushing ourselves to our complete limits. It is such a reminder of what our bodies are capable of and the strength of mind and soul we were created with. This training season has been so much more than simply Boston qualifying , it has been a testament of community and faith in countless ways. 

In a couple weeks registration opens up for 2018 and I still can't believe I will be a part of that process . As we look toward winter there are countless challenges ahead. Training for a hot April race in the depths of Fairbanks winter is going to be tough. Throw into that a spring deployment for my husband, lack of childcare, high cost of travel, distance, etc. etc. and WOW that is a bit overwhelming ! Luckily I'm still riding that runners high and know that God will provide for all of it. What could seem like impossible is TOTALLY possible and I'm just so ready for the journey to come. 

I don't share this with you to boast in my accomplishments. Millions of people run marathons and 10,000 people a year run the Boston Marathon. 

I share this to give you hope dear reader. 

I share this for Moms thinking that they have lost themselves in this mess of Motherhood, that their accomplishments no longer matter. 

I share this for Moms that are afraid to set goals for fear of failure.

I share this for all of the women needing a reminder that we are created for  community and with community of  POSITIVE people we can really achieve anything. 

I share this to encourage you to find your people and love them hard, but if you can't find them BE that love for someone else. 

I share this as a reminder that the strength of the lord is within you, YOU too can do big things Mama. 

-B

" I will run and not grow weary" Isaiah 40:31

While I've been writing this post this song has come on twice and the lyrics are just too fitting... 

Rejoice - click here for video-

Fair Fun

After spending our second full summer in Alaska's interior I can say that it is consistently a wild ride! You spend winter hibernating, sleeping, eating, etc. so that you can be non stop all summer long. For someone a little higher on the emotional spectrum ( cough cough- me- cough cough ) it can be a pretty overwhelming . Never getting that nighttime to recharge is just as difficult an adjustment as the dark days of January when the sun hardly wakes us up for lunch. Now that we are smooth sailing into fall I can say that all of the seasons here make up such a beautiful story and go just as quickly as they came.

We may be a far drive from the Alaska State fair in Anchorage but our quaint local one is a great way to wave goodbye to the sun drenched days of summer in Fairbanks. With the fair coming to an end and school approaching this week for most, it's no surprise that yellow leaves are falling down as we speak... HELLO Fall in August. I have exactly zero complaints about this. 

If I had to describe my photography style in three words I would call it 

Colorful+ Fun+ Real.  

and what says that more than a fair? 

Next year I plan on holding one mini session date for families wanting to celebrate the colorful days of summer , so stay tuned for that friends. For now let me share some fun with my own family as we stay goodbye to another long and colorful Alaskan summer ... 

and just like that we woke up this Monday morning with a high in the 50s  ! 

Chilly evenings and northern lights are on their way and I personally CAN NOT WAIT. 

That white stuff though... let's not even go there . 

Have a beautiful week friends !  

-B

All things new.

Two posts in one week?! WHAT   is going on here?

Truthfully this week has been pretty intense  for no specific reason. Maybe it is the changing of seasons ( you guys, I just shot a family session in falling leaves NO JOKE! ) but the lord has brought so many people and things into my life this week  unexpectedly. He has brought deep DEEP conversations and emotional moments throughout each precious day. If you are one of the people that broke down with me this week let me throw a virtual hug your way . For everyone that shared in the joy and goodness that happened this week... ANOTHER virtual hug! Also for all of you normal people that live in a place where you experience days + nights just disregard this entire paragraph. Intense emotions roll with the seasons around here, it's a Fairbanks thing.

A very special gift was delivered into my inbox this morning and I would just love to share this with you all.

Earlier this summer I received an incredible birthday present " from heaven" as I have joked. My Grandparents are very close to my heart and my Papa was the one that dragged me to church during my husbands last deployment which dropped me right to the feet of Jesus and began my walk with lord . One year after this journey began Papa went home to be with Jesus. Everything I am today is because of that year in my life and the dedication and love of my Grandparents. Grandma recently sold her home and moved into a retirement style resort living AKA the sorority house for the golden crowd.  As my Mother did one last sweep through the house she came across a box of Papa's film cameras from her childhood and sent them my way just in time for my 31st birthday! Can't get much sweeter than that.

Besides your standard point and shoot or disposable camera I had no idea what I was getting into and still don't- lets be honest. A few need major servicing but the Ansco Shur Shot box camera was just too easy so we loaded up the 120 film and attempted to get it working. The first roll was black and white which hardly turned out . Each frame was covered in dust scratches and light leaks, the camera double exposed shots and lost several frames. Something about looking through these though, regardless of the imperfections, brings me back to such simplicity. Back when this camera was made photos were not about perfection or sharpness. Life was just as  RAW REAL and SIMPLE as the photos that were captured. As messy as these are I can not wait until the prints arrive simply for the
story that they have to tell.

First is a shot from the Homer spit.

This would be the oldest taking a photo of a photo... check below for his iPhone view.

 The next few are double exposed attempts of the boys on the beach

 This next one is probably my favorite of the entire bunch. It's so wrong in every way but I am absolutely in love in the beauty that comes from its mess.

The color roll was saved for a hike in Fairbanks. With my cousin and her kids in town I thought a shot of several of Papas great grandkiddos would be a perfect opportunity to use his camera, especially in Alaska where he lived and loved. These turned out better but the camera will still be serviced and cleaned before it's next adventure, along with a much easier to expose Kodak Retina iii as well ! 

It's official , I am HOOKED.

 Film is sweet and slow in a time where everything seems too sharp and fast. 

Even a box camera from the 1940s can be resurrected to create new memories for a new generation . 

He does in fact find a way to make all things N E W. 

Happy Friday Friends!

- B 

Humble.

The subject of humility appears more than 31 times in the bible.

Walk humbly

Humble yourself

Be humble in spirit

HE gives GRACE to the humble

Just to name a few.

But right now, in 2017, doesn’t it seem like a foreign concept?

We are a society that is begging for more, competing to be the best/fastest/strongest/smartest/toughest, hustling the hardest, earning the most money , desperate to find what our identity on earth really is. Social media is a perfect example of everyone just shouting to be heard and seen. We are told to be BOLD and CONFIDENT which coincidently are the exact opposites of humility.

I took a leap at the beginning of the year and started a public instagram account. The idea was to join in on fun contests in the photography community, running world, pick up some new plant-based recipes, etc. and to share in community with others with common interests. The idea of showing my photography clients a little behind the scenes sounded fun! It sounds ridiculous right?  Instagram was a new platform when my middle son was born 5.5 years ago! Daily it was used to share photos privately with friends and make them look “ vintage” and cool – insert all the eye rolls. A new PUBLIC social media account meant having posts totally exposed to anyone and everyone. Even more time consuming, to share your images in certain communities you have to learn specific hashtags to make yourself easily searchable. And while you’re at it, share instantly in “stories” so everyone can keep up hour to hour with EVERYONE they follow if they would like. Stories disappear after a day so why not? Why not share special moments with anyone who wants to see?

Let me tell you why I’m not… right now.

After 6 months connecting with new photographer friends, learning ALL the hashtags, communicating with clients, following different elite runners, even being spiritually fed by other Christian Mamas… God totally broke me down. There was an overwhelming feeling of ‘ what is the point in this and is it in any way glorifying God?’ Why are we so focused on building this online community of people when there are REAL LIFE people in front of us we are missing? What kind of real life community is scripted and edited ?  My neighbors,  friends,  family are the real community that needs invested in. People that you can hug, laugh with, cry with, do LIFE with, this is who we should be investing our precious time on. We as a society have become numb to the human beings around us and focused on the scripted ones on our phone screens. God didn’t create us as human beings to have a glass screen between our lives, we were given flesh to share real life with real people.

Earlier this summer I had a message from a young Mama telling me that she wishes she had the life I do. That it must be so nice to get to stay home, cook healthy meals, run whenever I want, and have such great kids. Talk about a convicting slap in the face! Without even realizing it I had totally scripted myself and smoothed out the rough edges. Based on my instagram stories and professionally edited photos I was giving off an image of my life that was 100%  false. Anyone that knows me in person would laugh at that because I am literally the hottest mess around town and totally own it! But there in-lies the problem… you DON’T know these people in person and if you do then their truth should be visible in daily life.   Photographers are begging for more followers and likes to reassure their talent . Runners are sharing race photos to boast about their accomplishments instead of encouraging others . Women are posting videos of their outfits EVERY single day just to hear how fantastic they look. Direct sales ladies 'go live' telling us why we need their hot new product.   I will be the first to admit I am completely guilty here on several accounts ! Public social media has slowly become a community of people just yelling to be heard. Can you really blame everyone in a world where listening is becoming a lost art? 

Now I am not here to bash on social media at all, sharing life through images and words over the Internet is something I truly treasure about technology today. You are reading this because of social media, HELLO! Being a military family means that our loved ones are scattered across the globe and sharing back and forth with them on facebook and instagram is one of the greatest blessings of my week. But a line has to be drawn for myself personally and maybe I'm not alone here. If I am taking 30 minutes a day to post photos on instagram for strangers to ‘ like’  maybe I can use those 30 minutes to reach out to a neighbor instead. Perhaps those 30 minutes could be shared in conversation with a tired friend that just wants conversation not involving typing on a smartphone. Instead of focusing on building a brand or identity for others to view us as, what if  we turned our focus on the only identity that will unfailingly last for eternity- our title as a child of the most high king and creator of the universe. THAT is the identity that takes no proving or shouting because it is an identity that is graced upon all of us whether we have accepted it or not.

I’m not saying I am done on certain platforms I just personally need to heal my heart and do it for the right reasons . My hope and prayer is that as this next season unfolds personally I can write more from the heart and humbly share truth instead of the highlight real. I want others to realize they are not alone and that we ARE listening, and if you don’t have someone to listen the God of the universe is always with you and he is kind of the best listener . He created you perfectly in his image and hears your cries and your laughter , through your good days and bad. No amount of instagram ‘likes’ Or facebook ‘shares’ will build an untouchable identity like the one we already have as a Believer in Jesus Christ. 

In Psalm 25 David cries out- HE leads the HUMBLE in doing right, teaching them his way. The lord leads with unfailing Love and faithfulness.

Who doesn't want to be led with Love ? 

Be humble. Be kind. God loves YOU and that really truly is E N O U G H. 

- B

Not my glory

Holy moly you guys , today my feet carried me 19 miles. It's been SO long since I could say that and I am not positive if it's ever felt so good.
This post will be short with iphoneography as it's coming from my phone - let's be real it's beyond bedtime and I have zero plans of standing up for the remainder of the evening so siting on the computer is just... no.
Today I hit snooze. It was a long week ( I think I've said that nearly every week since having three children ) but it was and a migraine last night left me unsure about my run. So I hit snooze twice which is so unlike me. Finally I fell out of bed and half asleep in a quiet home found myself dressed and out the door in the midday sun - jk it was 4:45 but sure looked like at least 11. By mile 6 I checked my watch and my pace was slow. To hit the qualifying time I need my pace to be faster than 8:15 minute miles and I was around 8:45. I hit this point  when turning around at Pioneer Park where I gave it all to God. If I'm meant to be doing this this year than carry me but if you have different plans for me I'm totally ok with simply giving my best shot at this race . Mile 7 was 8:30, mile 9 about 8:20 , by mile 16 I was cruising close to a 7:30 pace and my legs felt more free than ever . Mile 19 led straight into my backyard hitting an average of 8:08 pace , allll by HIS strength not my own. I have no idea what God's plans are for me in this race but after today I am confident that it is for something GOOD because my legs did not carry me through those 19 miles . I always joke that Jesus controls the shuffle on iTunes but when Rend Collective is blasting me through the final minutes you know it's just too good to be true . The glory is SO not mine but his alone ...
Nothing is impossible
Every chain is breakable
With You, we are victorious
You are stronger than our hearts
You are greater than the dark
With You, we are victorious
I legitamtely sob every time I hear this on a run. Yes TEARS are my spiritual gift incase you were wondering .
Click here to listen !

19 miles 8:08 pace
I've made it a point to cool my legs off after each long run and it's seriously helped recovery. Some people have fancy ice tubs , I personally like my tiny baby pool and personal servants squirting my legs like tiny jets. 
Today was simply a beautiful summer day in Fairbanks that we totally have to savor here . We couldn't say no to a family bike ride to downtown shortly after even if it meant a 6 mile round trip , thankfully the tiny ones can only pedal so fast.The husband brought along his little drone camera too which I'm borderline jealous about... how fun would this be to use with the big girl camera for family sessions ?! 

Speaking of sessions I'm super excited to have two fun photo sessions this week before we leave for an epic Alaskan motorhome adventure . I can not WAIT to fill some memory cards ( and film) up with this beautiful state . We will be heading all the way to Homer and staying several places along with way with my Alaska cousins and their kiddos . It's going to be incredible so stay tuned for a million and a half photos from it!
Up next is mile 20 which will be  along the coast in Homer Alaska ( somebody pinch me ) but as always I so appreciate your prayers and encouragement along this journey .
Thanks for reading my babble and have a joyful summer week friends 💜 if you have any prayer requests or just want to chat always feel free to message me I would love to hear from you!
Love, B.

Mile 16

Ok friends , I've done the blog thing twice  before ... and I know it's so 2010 of me.. but I think I've finally got all of my ideas together here and am shamelessly ready to start writing again !

Photography  has been the main point of Believe Studio up until this year . I've felt like it's time to really make it an outlet for myself to share stories of faith / motherhood/ endurance / family / etc through my photography and words like it was always intended to be . So here I am . First running post is a GO!

At the end of 2016 I set a goal for myself knowing we were approaching a rare " stable " year as far as the Army goes. No moves , no deployments , no babies 🙀 which meant it was finally time to BQ.

Seven years ago I could not run a mile. One of my closest friends dared me to train for a half marathon and I laughed at her . I had never in my life ran a 5k , the mile we ran for college cheerleading twice a year was about my limit.  However, being 23 and needing a new fitness routine I gave it a shot. We chugged along that course so proud of ourselves for conquering something huge ... a 2:35 half marathon . Looking back it's kind of hilarious because we had no clue what we were doing but had a blast stopping to take pictures and slowly walking up the dreaded hills of North Carolina . But we did it! 9 months later I gave birth to my first son ( how's that for timing ?) In the 7 years since that first race I've dropped over 4 minutes off my miles , ran countless halfs/5ks/10ks , finished 4 marathons under 4 hours each , oh ya and grew and raised 3 tiny humans. This is not a bragging list but proof that the human body and mind is truly capable of anything , especially with strength and grace from God .

Back to the BQ. Qualifying to run the Boston Marathon is something pretty attainable for seasoned runners with experience and a foundation in endurance sports . For an untrained Mama that just barely got her first Garmin watch ( I know I know ) it takes some serious work and dedication . I have worked my butt off running 5-6 days a week even through winter in Alaska  , through frostbitten toes, through awful treadmill workouts ,  through the rollercoaster of parenting 3 kiddos frequently alone. Over these 7 years, and more so over this year,  running has transformed from a fitness routine to the much needed anti anxiety pill with nothing but positive side effects .

Today was a turning point for training I had been anxiously anticipating. The training plan had worked up to 15 miles which I had done once or twice post baby but never a foot more ! Hitting 16 miles meant this training was really getting started , I hadn't ran 16 miles since the Tucson marathon 8 weeks pregnant 1.5 years ago 😳

This morning I tip toed out of my silent house before 5 - which is basically daytime in Fairbanks right now - and prayerfully set out .

Along the path I couldn't help but think of all my mother runner friends that are making huge goals this summer to start their running journey . I thought about the inspiring women I've met and have been blessed to run alongside and prayed that they all would find the sacred peace and quiet in motherhood that running has brought me. If they can push themselves to start I can surly push myself to my next level too. 16 miles at 8:15 pace. 16 is my hurdle because when you get to 17 it's basically 20 and training never goes past 20 until race day. Running is all mental incase you couldn't tell... or is it Runners are all mental I always forget 🤣

 When we choose persistent FAITH OVER FEAR of failure  God meets us at our weakness and makes us strong . This morning was beautiful and a steady two hours of peace after a challenging week as a Mama. Without even checking my pace much I finished those 16 miles with ease 20 seconds per mile faster than my goal . God is good friends and his love for us shines in all we do if we just let him.

Two months to go until the Anchorage Runfest Marathon on August 20th where I WILL qualify for the Boston Marathon. Expect some training updates here and on my instagram as well because it's all downhill ( or a I guess uphill? ) from here.
Thanks for reading along and sharing this journey with me, I'd love to hear what your current goals are and pray for you in any trials you're facing .

- B

Megan + David say WE DO

A few months back I received an inquiry about a wedding and as I began to type my usual response,  which is to apologize that I do not specialize in them and send off a list of the talented local photographers that DO, something struck me about this couple's unconventional story.  They had an incredible wedding idea that literally didn't allow me to say no. After seeing a colleagues' winter family photos Megan got in touch with me about capturing their ultimate Alaska adventure... a fly in Glacier wedding on a Denali flight-seeing tour ! These two are both service members stationed in Alaska, met here, fell in love here, so no better place to say WE DO than on top of it all ( literally. )  After meeting with this gorgeous and bubbly bride-to-be I just knew this was going to be one of the most fun and laid back weddings you could imagine and oh how right I was. The plan was to have their most important person beside each of them, their Moms, along with a close friend to make the marriage official... and of course the photographer ! It was a bit of challenge for me photographically considering the light on top of a glacier at high noon  and wearing through 4 batteries in our short 20 minutes outside due to negative temperatures, but their perfect day and priceless moments together totally made up for all of that. The love between these two simply radiates and getting to capture their pure joy was a dream!

I'll let the photos tell their story... 

Thank you Megan and David for letting me be part of your BIG day on top of the world.