Is it praiseworthy?

Every night the chaos of the day settles and bedtime ensues- I am left completely empty.

As we readjust to being together as a family again we have jumped right back into nights alone. My husband's job comes with the unpredictable schedule which is, somewhat, predictable after over 10 years of this. Right now I keep comparing evenings without Dad a little bit to PTSD ( Not to take this disorder lightly as I know the weight and reality of this ) but all of the anxieties and fears of being alone come rushing back. Knowing that once these evenings alone come to an end we will begin packing and leaving this place we've grown to love- it just is A LOT. As is the life of a family signed up for a lifetime in the military. I wouldn't change it for a single thing but it is a RIDE by friends. 

Tonight as I sit on my computer busting through some editing and design work I , again, feel like there is nothing to write. The Lord so clearly called me to write throughout Lent but it has truly shown me how little I have left after being poured out all day long. Maybe that is the goal right? To be so poured out each day that we need nothing but Christ to refill us for what comes next. Ya that has to be it. 

As I opened my bible for some hope in a situation that has left me aching for... well HOPE I guess... I came across this scripture. It actually made me chuckle because over the past 10 days this has been brought up exactly six times. This being the sixth. God is LOUD you guys. When people say they don't hear his voice I just wonder DO YOU OPEN YOUR EYES AND EARS? Maybe its just to my stubborn heart he knows it requires some loud. But tonight all I can think of is Phillipians 4 and how it continuously has popped up in conversations, sermons, random pop in of a bible study, and now personally. 

It's interesting because when I think of Philippians 4 I think of of 4:6 of course. As a highly anxious person I turn to this for comfort frequently

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." 

That is one of my top 5 verses- maybe top that I turn to in need. But that is not what has been themed lately. A few verses later ...

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you."

YEP that is the one! Ok maybe I reworded the beginning a smidge... 

Where is our heart and mind set in trials of this life ? What if we evaluated our surroundings ( IE Our friends, our media consumption, our family, our work, Etc ) by ONLY things that are true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, commendable, excellent, and PRAISWORTHY? Holy moly . That is a mic drop right there. Even just grounding our friends off this standard could be life changing right?  Run this list by the people you confide in and are influences over your daily life... do they measure up to Phillipians 4:8 ? 

Now obviously life isn't to be seen through rose colored lenses. I mean, unless you have the fancy running ones Kara Goucher produced through Goodr ;) Things hurt, people hurt, life is going to be painful.  It doesn't mean that we don't still love our neighbor and serve others well . Jesus loved the most unloveable and He is the ultimate goal right?  It doesn't mean that we are going to all be perfect and fit into this list every day either . We are all sinners and imperfect humans . Of course. But can we look around at who we trust the most and ask ourself if they are lovely? Are they honorable? Are we surrounding ourselves with others that are praiseworthy and pure? It's important. The people we surround ourselves with are who we tend to mold into whether it is our desire or not.

If we hang out with people that are lovely, and pure, and excellent, speak truth, and are WORTH of praise... maybe just maybe we will become a little like that too. 

This is all I have during this very HOLY WEEK my friends. 

xoxo
B

the W I L D flowers

If you are my friend over on instagram you have probably seen quite a few weird posts of flowers with the caption " consider the wildflowers" or something similarly vague. For my biblically versed friends you know what this means, hopefully, but I realized recently that it probably seems a little weird to many. Also I will so randomly throw it into the continuous feed that you probably give me the big ol eye roll " Brittany is so weird... " and move along.

You are correct , I AM weird. Yes I do love me some wildflowers , especially the Alaska summer variety , but also I am a super anxious person. Running is great for physical health and all but running to me is my anti-anxiety drug. Don't get me wrong here- I am SUPER pro medication and counseling and whatever combination is needed to make each persons brain leveled and as it should be but for me the trick is a long run. It clears me and gives me space to just 'be' for once and spend time hearing truths from the Lord instead of the world.  HOWEVER. There are times it's just not possible. There is this crazy thing called winter in Fairbanks Alaska. We live in the darkest and coldest habitable city in the USA for those of you that didn't know and it can get brutal. Not only does the darkness mess with about 80% of us as far as mental health goes- my cure all of a good outdoor run is nearly non existent.

So what the heck does this have to do with flowers Brittany? Weirdo. Let me explain.

In the new testament of the bible there are four gospels which are the foundation of the Christian faith. They tell 4 versions of the same story of the brokenness of our world. That God sent his own son Jesus to earth, to live a perfect life so that we do not have to, he let him die on the cross where he was buried in a tomb and rose to heaven after three days. All four gospels tell us that Jesus is currently in heaven seated next to his Dad ( who also created the entire world and stuff ) reigning over heaven and earth. All four gospels give a different account but Luke tends to be known as the gospel written to strengthen the faith of believers as well as being the prequel to the book of acts . The author is the most scientific and educated of all the gospels which lines up perfectly with Luke's background as a medical physician .

Ok are you tracking? The book of Luke teaches and reminds us of God's faithfulness and gives us a portrait of the life of Jesus.  In my She Reads Truth bible the title for Luke 12:22 actual says " The Cure for Anxiety" ALRIGHT! We are going somewhere. Jesus is saying here why we have no reason to be anxious for our lives. He reminds us that the Ravens do not have a home or essentially a standard grocery budget but they eat right? Does God not provide? Christ reminds us that being anxious will literally add nothing to our lives . He goes on to say in verse 27..

 " Consider how the wildflowers grow. They do no labor or spin thread. Yet I tell you , not even Solomon in all his glory was adorned like one of these." - Luke 12:27 CSB ( ESV and other versions vary saying lilies , or flowers, etc. )

MAN . Isn't that an incredible picture of how pointless our anxieties are. I am around a lot of military spouses and service members , a lot of Moms, and many that are both. We live a life that can be FULL of anxieties and fears. But when I see the strong women fearlessly stepping up to this life well, I see women that are firm in their faith and remember the wildflowers. When I get wrapped up in a web of " what-ifs" and " what is next " scenarios , I remind myself of the beauty in the life of the wildflowers.

The past two summers I got a single packet of wildflower seeds and sprinkled them into planters across my fence. Sure we watered them here and there but with the midnight sun and periodic rainfall- very very little care- they bloomed into the most beautiful art covering my backyard. God does that. He takes simple little seeds and grows beauty that doesn't really need to work that hard. We don't NEED to be anxious. The creator of the universe has it under control and in time he is going to grow us into something really really remarkable when we follow along his perfect path .

So when I post a picture of some random flowers now you know. More than likely I am in some kind of spiral about the chaos that can be the life of a military family- and I am reminding myself of the wildflowers. Here are a few Alaska summer wildflowers to consider tonight....

( Also see your counselor, go for a run, chat with a friend, take your meds. All those things too )

 

 

Light has dawned

Falling short , as always, around here. Every desire and intention was to write purposefully each day of lenten season but somehow in the evenings my mind constantly falls short. As the morning rises and the coffee is strong- the topics of discussion here are SO very rich. I will find myself plopping on the computer and a mind either looking like a 90s magazine collage of nonsense or a completely blank slate of white.  Without doubt though, the Lord is working in my heart through it which was the purpose.

Even amongst the unknowns and the chaos surrounding our life right now, it's impossible not to stop each day and bask in this beauty of an early spring. You can not keep us Fairbanks folk indoors right now!  

Grabbing my camera to capture my heart has slowly slipped away as it became more of an obligation to others than myself or my family. Sunday I forced a few clicks of a small taste of our current normal before it all changes as quickly as the Alaska seasons. 

" the people dwelling in darkness have seen a great light, and for those dwelling in the region of the shadow of death, on them a light has dawned." Matthew 4:16

Not that generation

It's the generation that everyone loves to complain about. The young to mid twenty-somethings have become a prime target for millennial jokes these days but lately they have been on my heart for a different reason. Before I get started here- YES technically I am a millennial by just a couple years. We are that weird grey area that didn't have social media until college but were easily able to adapt it to life as it came around. This is not directed to us grey area folks but more so the solid 20-30 year olds of 2019.

As I look around at my peers , cynicism feels the norm these days. It's kind of gross if I am being honest. I read recently that it is fairly common in the church amongst women in the mid to late 30s but also in society as a whole. We have lived and learned a bit by now but aren't yet to that wise stage ahead. The simplistic joy of life seems to slowly be zapped from conversations amongst my generation and it's a bit disheartening. When I sit and consider who around me is doing life in all the right ways , the young millennials immediately come to mind. I think of the Military spouses, young Moms, the strong in faith, the entrepreneurly spirited ( ya I made the one up ) the athletes, the future minded ones... the ones that I consider are the millennials.

Teasingly I began calling a friend of mine '1994' because of the year she was born but I love that she owned it- because that is what their generation does right? Takes nothing too personally and embraces where God has them right now making the most of what they have at their fingertips. The energy that comes from these 90s babies is something maybe the rest of us needs a little taste of. I know I sure do!

The young Moms I see in these millennials are beautiful. They are killing it with their patience , their drive, their open minds for adventure around every corner. The kids they are raising will probably be far more well rounded than the ones slightly ahead... we were all just clueless and terrified of what we read on google . They have moved beyond trying to be that internet approving 'pinterest mom' and are back to the basics being the best models to their kiddos they can.

The business minded 20 something is pure genius. The world they are coming into age in is full of technology that even we didn't have - but they are being SO much more smart about it . They consume media with boundaries as well as intentionally marketing themselves and their brands to create job opportunities we didn't even have 10 years ago. The world of careers looks completely different today and it's pretty neat to watch.

The Jesus hearted millennial women is fearful of the Lord yet fearless in her faith. She worships without abandon, loves her people well, and knows when to say NO or where to healthily give her YES to . The maturity of faith in these young women continually leaves me in awe. The millennial Jesus loving girl truly does laugh without fear of tomorrow- but not in a naive way.

The twenty- something military spouse is often thrown into the trenches. I'm sure my view on this is narrow but I can only speak for the ones I know and love. She had no idea what she was getting into behind that pretty yellow ribbon but she learns and serves others along the rocky path this life takes. I watch women making meals for each other, watching each others kids, just showing up for others every single day without complaint or grumbling. They love their community well in a time where it would be easy to stay secluded and cry about circumstance.

I may have already raised two " big kids" and have walked down this road for 9 years as a Mom, but when I look for inspiration in my daily parenting I think of my millennial friends. I think about how they just DO instead of fret, they don't complain about trials but embrace them, and most importantly leave no space for cynicism or critique of others.

Tonight I want to just say  WE SEE YOU ! We see you 90s born little gems and we think you are awesome. We envy your energy and spirit and don't see you as the negative picture of millennial the media wants to portray. You are just killing it and teaching us all a little bit along the way . We just wish we were as wise in our 20s as you sisters !
xoxo
B

Creativity from THE creator.

As a new believer I remember hearing the phrase" Creativity comes directly from our C R E A T O R " and just sitting in awe. Wow. Yes. At the time I was new to my faith and also lacking any creative outlet. Let's just say that I am not an artist in the slightest.  However, around the time the Lord called me close to himself, I found this deep passion for photography. He had quietly always shown me how beautiful the world around me was but having the tools and knowledge to do something about it always just came up empty. Slowly, week by week and month by month, He filled that creative hole with digital art. Both photography and digital design became this absolute light in my heart that I was able to not only enjoy for myself but share with others. A light that was shinning inward simply to glorify the Lord in my heart and outward for the people around me. What a JOY that is right?

The thing about putting yourself into the world creatively is that a lot of people aren't going to like what you are doing and you really have to be ok with that. I actually find the most beauty in creatives that see things completely different than I do. To me, the most stunning art is created from people the are being exactly who they are supposed to be; Not taking ideas from others , probably being inspired by others, but standing true in who they are made to be. My goodness that is just gorgeous. The more weird and quirky and unusual the better! This is the salt of the earth right?

Putting ourselves out there as creatives also opens up a door that is a little more painful- the often revolving door of imitators. I'm sure any creative human that has experienced a copy cat knows the feeling too well but it is like your soul is being ripped out a smidge and is standing on display as someone else.  Sure it is said that " Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery" but anyone that has been imitated without credit would probably insert quite an extended  eye-roll emoji here. The internet has made the possibilities of copycat creatives nearly endless! Even worse are when they come from the friend right next door. The brother or sister that shares the same market, the same audience, the same circle you stand in and claims their he(art) as your own. Ouch.

When I started making athletic headbands I had to be extremely intentional about this. My headbands were inspired by a few other brands I had worn over the years, but I had to make them my own. It had to be something that worked perfectly for me and be hopeful others as well. I needed to change the sizes, switch up the fabric, pray over it, mull over design patterns day in and out before coming up with what felt like ME and no one else. When going into a photography session I spend hours thinking about the lighting, driving to new locations, checking weather, planning out interactions with different family dynamics... then HOURS editing afterward until it feels just perfect to my own style. That the creative combination between my subjects and my art fit. The past few years I have really dug into digital design. This area the Lord is definitely still growing me in but I can tell you when I did this for our ministry locally I would spend more time crafting combinations of fonts and design elements than anything else in my week. The same goes for crafting an hour long workout class! It is all the ultimate JOY to work creatively and do it in a way that comes from my own heart and no one else's.


I'm positive that anyone in a creative field or hobby can relate to this. Creativity isn't easy but it is rewarding and ultimately comes directly from our perfect creator. When we put someone else's hard work and energy out there and call it our own- it simply messes with the foundational idea of art. It's too obvious when the heart isn't behind what you are doing and truthfully it hurts the person you are stealing it from. Just don't do it. Be yourself. It's a lot cooler than anyone else.

As creatives, let's start being inspired by others instead of copying. Appreciate someone else's he(art) for what it is and take a few ideas - but stop there. Do your own work, spend your own energy, and what you create will be authentic and then flow on to inspire others to do the same. And for GOODNESS sake if you are going to completely steal an idea of another person JUST give credit where it is due. Don't claim someone else's idea as your own, copying isn't cute on anyone. In fact it makes a lot of creatives stop sharing their work publicly when it's just going to be stolen and that is a sad day for all of us. Just do you and let the Lord use what he's put in your hands not what he gave your neighbor.

Finally... off my mini internet soapbox... if you aren't creating right now DO IT. Find the space lose the excuses. Do something with your brain and heart and hands whether it's cooking, singing, drumming, dancing, making jewelry, sewing, working on cars, building computers, planning parties, WHATEVER on earth is a passion in your heart is there for a reason and your life will be better and more fulfilled if you just make some time to create. Be used to create your own brand of beauty. ( WHOA cheesefest. I'm going to bed on that one)

This is all.

XOXO
B

March 27th

Third time is supposed to be the charm right ? or so they say. Whoever " they " are .

Our first winter in interior Alaska saw average snow but fairly intense cold snaps. We spent about a month hovering around 40 below, I found myself on crutches and a boot due to frostbite, the whole FIRST WINTER experience one would expect moving to the actual coldest city in the country ( that is NOT an exaggeration my friends) . Year two brought much milder temperatures never hitting 40 below zero but snow that was basically as tall as my entire being. It nearly reached the top of our backyard fence by the end and the final bits still lingered into May. Third and final round of winter still feels a little hard to believe! We lasted until Halloween without extreme cold or snow, sure the overcast sky and perpetual lack of sunlight was a bit painful to the soul but overall the Elsa came on slow and steady. January brought a quick cold snap that allowed for one more fun morning in the 40 below club but she didn't stick around too long. The darkness this winter ate at me harder than the previous years and when my brain and heart have fully processed it I will absolutely be writing more about this here. HOWEVER...

Here we stand . Marked in the books. An unbelievably... like it's uncomfortable a little bit to even think about... early breakup season has restored deep hope amongst us here in Fairbanks. Between running in shorts on dry pavement and watching the neighborhood kids frolicking around like summer afternoons, life feels restored. The taste of Alaska summer magic is just lingering in the extended sunsets well passed bedtime . 

Knowing we only have two months left in this house, the house that has become possibly our most memory filled home yet,  made this extended summer backyard time so sweet. The snow has melted the lights are lit the trampoline is up and of course the yellow umbrella is shining bright. To some this may be a little 500 sq feet of muddy grass and a tiny slab of concrete in the middle of base housing but this backyard is my place, OUR place . The memories from different seasons of time here, different chapters of friendships, first crawls to first steps, birthdays celebrated , prayers prayed together, meals shared with friends, late night drinks under the midnight sun, ice baths in baby pools after long runs, lazy summer afternoons of chatter while the neighborhood floods with bathing suit covered kiddos, cupcakes and la croix and veggie straws, water balloon fights and blow up pools, swimming in the ice melt, lonely nights while he was away simply reading and sunbathing at 11 pm... there could actually be a memoir of the stories under the yellow umbrella. For now though I will tuck every last one into my heart .

TONIGHT though- the twenty seventh day of March- is the sweetest gift after quite a 'charm' of a third winter. Daddy set up the trampoline as a fourth and final season of afternoons under the umbrella have officially begun ! 

The signs of breakup season in Fairbanks Alaska... 

XOXO

B

Find your pace + lane

The idea of pace has been all over my brain as a I tackle a new training method- a smarter training method- for my tenth and final Alaska marathon before we move down to the desert . I knew that I had been training improperly for years but it seemed to work just fine . Speed-work wasn't important to me and tackling those long runs at my goal pace just worked... until it didn't. Eventually our bodies burn out and the next long run we just don't have it in us. Last week I began my focus on goal paces for speed , tempo runs, and (get this) a SLOWER Long run pace. Yep I sure do know this is the right way to train I am just stubborn ok? My number one goal as a runner is to do it until I am 90. There is no race or distance worth injuring myself so longevity is key, and this training style fits that perfectly. AND guess what? I can already feel the difference. The balance of harder short runs and easier long runs... it feels really really good.

Somewhere along the path on my first 12 miler of this training cycle I really started digesting the analogy to life. Thanks to this book which I am taking the training method from " Run less run faster" I understand a lot more of what pace I can actually be at for each distance throughout training.  Before I just jumped in pretty blind and hoped for the best! It got me thinking of this pace of life I hopped into about two years ago this spring. Life was pretty manageable having added our baby girl to the mix and balancing the little side-work I had through photography as well as all the Army wife/Mama roles on my plate . It was a good pace. 

One little "yes" to a new responsibility picked up my speed to what felt ok and manageable. Everyone says that we're supposed to get uncomfortable sometimes right? That is where growth happens. Another YES and another and next thing I knew my life was too busy to even breath. My standard long run pace of life was becoming more like a sprint. Any given day was filled with demands from everyone around me hour by hour , that sprinting pace of life was quickly drawing me to burnout. That fast speed isn't made to be sustained my friends! I knew my 'long run' pace , the one that is best for my health as well as the ones closest to me, but I exceeded it for no ones glory but my own. 

Something that I love about running is that every single person has their own individual lane to be in. Some can can handle going 6 min miles for a marathon, some 8, but most are more in the 10 minute mile+ range.   It really doesn't matter how fast the person next to you is but just being the best at what your body is capable of. Staying in your lane.  Isn't this so applicable to our daily lives? Some women can handle two full time jobs, 4 kids,  single parenting, volunteer work, gourmet meals, and go to bed at the end of the day having it all together ( the 5 minute pacer we all hate to love and hate for all the reasons) without burnout. On this last long run it hit me that I had been going too hard, trying to keep up with the people I saw around me that can handle that fast pace with grace and ease. It was never my lane to be in ! I knew what I could handle without burning myself out but fought through it trying to keep up with the 'elites' so to speak. And guess what? I crashed hard. 

It has taken a lot of conscious work over the past 12 months to come away from that place of overdoing. I knew my lane and hopped out of it at a speed that wasn't sustainable for long. That pace or workload was fine for a sprint or a 'season' as everyone likes to say today, but it couldn't be kept up. I see this in so many women around me right now both virtually and in my community. Sure there are probably plenty doing less than they are capable of but more often I see women exhausted from carrying on too much - pushing that pace more than sustainable without injury. Injury in this case isn't normally as visible on the outside but lies within.

There was a much more eloquent way of saying this that came together beautifully in my ON-SWITCHED brain during my quiet run but now it's back to Mom-mush as usual. So this is what you get people #sorry!  I just want to encourage you , friend, to evaluate your pace and your lane. Don't worry about the pace of the person next to you or behind or in front- find your steady pace and try to stay there. It's ok to be uncomfortable for a little bit doing too much or too little but remember that it is not made to be sustained for long. Find your pace. Stay in the lane that is perfectly made for you and no one else. Don't try to be someone else because God, the detailed designer and creator of all living breathing things, designed you perfectly to be as YOU as you can be.